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We are empty nesters now….why am I so sad…..and, never drink when you are depressed

Peace be to you!

Last night was the first night that all 3 of my boys were gone to college or gone to pursue their own life. I was deeply lonely. I was without my “little buddies”. I had no one to “hassle me, try and get an open shot, flip me off, tell me I was an idiot…….this may take some explaining

Like with my dad, it just felt odd to tell me boys “I LOVE YOU” because, well…we just aren’t that way; we communicate to each other in our own unique way that we are in each others hearts. I have signs for each boy that  means, I love you. I will not tell them here on this post since I want to keep this something that we only do to each other on the DL when no one is looking…..

Songs have come to have a special place of reminder of a great time or something special between just my son and I….The boys have all their special song(s) that triggers a memory for me. Eric: Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison…. It was snowing one winter and I had just cleared the driveway with that wet heavy snow and then….it started to snow hard again…..When I was so mad, I was frustrated….and then the radio we were listening to played that particular Van Morrison song and Eric as a little 2 year old started to dance….He danced with a HUGE smile on his face like a 2 year old could do…Watching him jump up and down instantly erased my negative feeling and I could not help but dance. Every time I hear that song, it takes me back to that magical moment that I will never forget as long as I live. I hope this is a memory I keep when I meet my maker.

About the time I was teaching Rob at the high school I worked and he (and all his brothers were students) was taking my Beatles class, I formally introduced him and the class to the true magna opus of the Brian Wilson masterpiece: Pet Sounds. When he heard the first guitar riff of Wouldn’t it be nice, I could tell something in him changed…What happened was something I think I will keep to ourselves but to suffice it to say, When I hear, God Only Knows, (1st track of Side 2) AND Wouldn’t it be nice I remember that teenage boy who faced a lot of demons, went to a dark side in our life. You see, Rob “left the family”…Thank you Joe Coto for the best father advise I needed to hear that night….Suffice to say, Even St. John of the Cross went through a “dark night” in his life. Rob has since began to open my heart to perhaps change my way of thinking….At least, I am listening and examining all sides before I go back to a set of values I was spoon fed and forced to believe. Rob and I are tighter than ever; it is if I went through this dark night with him but without him there with me. Now, I can not wait to see him and will look for excuses to just be with him at his college town. I hope this is a memory I keep when I meet my maker.

Jack’s “songs” did not come into being until about 3 days before he left for college and as I think about it, not only does it link me with him, but it ALSO links me to my past. Tim, Tom, Joe and Bill  were the most important men in my life when I was in High School as we did everything together. We were just tight and for the most part, we remain very tight….especially over the decades. The songs that I have to relate Jack are from one of the best albums of the 1970’s: WHO’S NEXT.  Jack ( and Tim and Tom and Joe) song is Won’t get fooled again and Baba O’Reilley. Jack likes it because I think the lyrics speak to him:  I know he was frustrated living here like all post high school graduates and wanted to spread his wings like his older brothers. He paid particular attention to when Roger Daltry screamed that iconic scream at the end of WGFA. I could just see how he could related to it. With Baba, I know the musician in him was curious as to the repeating lesley keyboard patch that Pete Townshed plays as the open of the song. I remember thinking long and hard on that one. How did Pete do that??? It also seemed to hype Jack up like a work out song. I hope this is a memory I keep when I meet my maker.

As I stated in the title of this work, never drink when you are depressed. Only Drink when you are happy and are celebratory…. I think drinking while you are sad, or in any type of bad mood leaves you susceptible to forming a habit that will take you over and you must ALWAYS BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR FACULTIES

I must confess that when I was under any type of stress, i would listen to my music very loudly. I did not realise how depressing IN THROUGH THE OUT DOOR  by Led Zeppelin was …. I just listen to how cool the music sounded and was sad when I learned shortly after that, They would break up and not make any more new music….So, I listened to HOT DOG for about 6 times because …..

But they just rolled my “Boys” right out the door
Oh yeah, they just rolled my “boys” right out the door
But they just rolled my “boys” right out the dooooooooooorrrrrrr!!!!!!

This boy will also stay tight with his brothers forever (Tim, Tom and Joe)img_38751.jpg

This dad loves you, my sons (Eric, Robbie and Jack)

Bye now, And God Love you!!!

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My first “night show” at Band Day at the Indiana State Fair 2017

IMG_0551Peace be to you….

Yesterday was the culmination of an career goal almost 29 years of trying. I am proud to say that I never gave up…but wanted to sooooo many times.

Yesterday, the band I am co-director of:  Montgomery County United Marching Band and Color Guard participated in the 2017 Indiana State Fair Band Day Competition. And for the first time FOR ME, The band I work with made it to finals. We made the night show!!! the Sweet 16….State Finals;  What an experience!

I saw video of me when our band secured one of the top 16 spots….I Threw my papers in the air, yelled to the top of my lungs “YEEEEAAAA” (ala Roger Daltrey), than fell prostrate on a filthy clay dirt track.  I have been semi numb ever since. What’s more special is my wife has been with me the entire time. She has seen many failures in my career but they were not bad. They made most of my students better as I continued to push myself to get better and better. I never gave up on getting better at what I do…..Never

When we first started getting together at rehearsals, I made it a point to try and learn as many names as I could at this new band. I did and heard stories from the older students that last year, this band went as far as 17 last year…meaning they did not get to the night show. Many of the kids from South were devastated and wanted redemption. You see, one music judge gave them a terribly low score that did not match any of the 7 judges scores at all. This one judge caused all the numbers (once averaged out) to fall below the sweet 16 threshold….I resolved that I was pull out the stops and use all my skills, all my powers and use up all favors to ensure that i give my best 100% of the time. Just like this amazing team that I am a part.IMG_0537

This is what I came into: a great set of people who brings their strengths to our weaknesses; we balance out each other out for the benefit of the students we serve. We have temperance, wisdom, experience, passion, ability to solve problems, precision, friendliness, perseverance, musical ability, visual ability, effect ability, musicianship of a high calibre, a high concentration of the basics (“fun-sies”) …..high expectations from all of us, high results from all of us…..we are Baseball and Fans, followers of DCI, have families, aspirations and dreams,ect.

How could one not succeed with a fine group of people like this? It is great to have an administration of school officials who believe in the arts like ours do and support OUR ideas to make it happen. They do not micromanage but get out of our way to ensure success since they already believe in the program. They show up to most every rehearsal, some show up to EVERY rehearsal and even the band parents of SHS help out in more ways they can possibly know to make all of our jobs easier.

We also are all friends; like a tight clique that would welcome everyone…so as long as the kids are the focus and not “egos”. I have learned that we do not like ego…ego is bad…ego does not advance a goal…..ego is a narcissistic route to the self and the spotlight to the self…..that is not our bag, man.

Man, this zombie dust is really good tonight…..

Last night was the last time we will perform “Home is where the heart is”. This was a great show because of the people listed above took a slightly below average drill and less then “ok written” music book to a level that reflected a group of students willing to set aside school rivalries and focus on the music and the pageantry arts to become a state finalist high school marching band and color guard.

…..School starts in 2 days and I have already worked an entire summer. I get 3 days off for the summer……but I would not have it any other way…..We played at the night show and it was wonderful.

Bye now, and God love you.

P.S.

 

Why am I doing this again? or..Some Marching Band judges could not be hired as busboys in real life.

Peace be to you…..

(long exhale)

I got home at 5:30 am….got stranded… …. watched the sun rise…Thanked God…..then went to bed….got up 4 hours later…brewed some coffee…looked at our scores and got PISSED again and realised some judges in the Marching BAnd circuit could not get a job as  a blind referee for a pee wee league football team… So, why do I do this again? Now, I know what you’re going to ask before you ask it; so I will answer your question on why,…. WHY would you—or—– ANYONE to go back to this life.

Let me try and answer that from my perspective….

First, some background: I decided to pursue my fools quest to participate in the Indiana State fair Band Day competition back in the last Century. After listening to a local High School practice during the summer in the mid 90’s, I got the bug. It only took one bite from this dastardly creature to have me forever infected with this naughty virus, this addiction, this titillating allure  of a measure of success, this challenge to NEVER STOP Trying….but at what cost.

LONG nights, writing drill, Longer nights arranging music, LONG nights making it fit, tweaking….finding colors that will fit…trying to anticipate what the judges will like (falsely thinking they are going to see this OBVIOUS concept) organising kids, parents, a friend or 2 to work all summer for free or a for a turkey leg/elephant ear, begging my wife to be the lead band parent and promising the world…I could go on but I need to prepare for the 1st home football game in Sept.

Well the stress got to me, after about 13 years of trying,  I put it up…I did not want to do this anymore as I began to question myself. I gave up. I was burning out…the only thing I had was my faith, my students, their parents and that ever nagging bug bite. My teaching status changed due to lack of money and I went down to partime…..What I thought was a demotion, a certain 60% pay cut, the loss of self respect, the loss of student respect, parents asking endless questions, wife being supportive but with financial concerns in the very distance in her eyes, nothing was going right……I needed a change….I needed to step back to save my career. So, with the support of the President of my former school, Dr. Hamann, He suggested I apply for this one gig to help them out and so,  I did.

I was IMMEDIATELY accepted, build back unprofessionally, sought after for my input, NEVER brought in the office for why an alarm went off or any of that stupid crap, like choosing the wrong font for a logo….(yea, I went there….and I am not sorry).

And then this cute, pretty little color guard director that once worked for me told me of an immediate job opening in Feb/March…..So, I went for it…..I was confident, back with that swagger in my walk, standing tall and with a clean bow tie, I headed to Montgomery Co….. Crawfordsville, In.

I guess my reputation of the “good years” reached this prospective principal because I was not interviewed, I was recruited….I saw this as an opportunity to completely break ties with my former institution (whom I still love, but the school, its mission all of its teachers, the dean and the new principal) and I made it a point to NOT ask for an administration  letter of recommendation because…..this was going to be all all on me and guess what? I got the job and did NOT ask for a recommendation letter. I got the gig because some other principal had heard about me….in Crawfordsville….41 miles away from my house…DOESN’T THIS HAPPEN TO EVERYBODY???…I guess so if you are really good at what you do…..now, I know so. So how does this tie into marching band boob judges?

On Thursday, we had rehearsal until 9pm. On Friday, we had to be at school at 8:15am. 7am for me. So, I camped in my band office….woke up, rehearsed, packed, ate, headed out on a 3.5 hours drive with a corporation vehicle that broke down 4 times the week before.  Got to the gig before the kids and set up the band parent “compound”; Then is started to rain……..

The Rain gave way to humidity that had to be 101% and the temp spiked to 91. Wanna see guard girls cry? have the air so thick with water and so hot that it makes the hair flat, make up run, equipment slippery and sweat pour off each member….Even the Director gets frustrated.

Finally……..the moment of truth. We perform.

It was a very good run,  very respectable. BUT, we went first…..and 16 more bands had to go after us….Still, I was happy and proud of what these new students who respect me and make me laugh, did on the field.

Load back up, clean things off….oh wait. A student is having a heat related issue…time to be a caring father, snatch up someone with a golf cart and address this….

Ok, back at the compound and wait for the awards. ….and we wait for it for another 4 hours.

Me and this cute, pretty little color guard director (who is now a “mommie” and over 21, who I am blessed to work with again) and gave me the heads up for Crawfordsville High School, is sitting next to me as we are watching and critiquing other participants. We see 4 groups we know we should beat and recognise the 5 other groups that did poorly. we should be 8th or 7th…..but

11th

…and those 4 bands we clearly beat BEAT US…..i WAS SO CONFUSED THAT IT TURNED TO ANGER. I have never blown off a judge’s critique in 15 years EVER….until last night. Unbeknownst to me at the time, my partner in crime did the exact same thing. (love working with BB)…….. I want to get back to the van that is pulling the band trailer from the school and prepare for the almost 4 hour drive home…..and, the van is out of gas.

WELL…..

less than 30 min later, AFTER I FILL THE GAS TANK, the van breaks down, shuts down and I roll to a stop. All power is gone……..Battery or Alternator…..,So, (thank goodness for the facebook Messenger App,) with storms moving in and lightning getting closer, no power and the windows rolled down……. I wait WITH A FULL TANK OF GAS the wind picking up speed. Dogs start barking and I have no light source except my phone.

10 min….20 min….finally, the “staff car” (read: a car full of really pissed off techs who DID go the judges critique) arrived and from that point, all we could do is laugh. And laugh we did….”hard”——–about 90 min went by and, the staff and I are under some stress, get some  “lemonade”.. (swidt)

They tell me the what these judges say and my blood begins to boil….Like a coloratura singing a note so high that is shatters glass EVERYWHERE….because everyone knows that not everybody can shatter glass on the first attempt…. it takes a lot of pressure, (years of it) like throwing something down really hard to get to that level…like many years of frustration, I mean, ….practice

….and then one day, it all comes out.

its 2:45 am and we finally get back to the school…..now, we have to unload it: a 19 foot two wheel band trailer and a 27 foot U-Haul truck….and at that cray-cray time, some students decided to stay and wait for us,……I almost cried. I used to teach students like this because they would help no matter what for the director….these are some great kids who stayed and helped.

It is now 4:15 am and I still have an hour drive home….at this point, I am HYPED, inspired and a little prideful because the staff people (college aged kids) are exhausted and pass out in the bandroom. I am filled with the rejuvenation, have my 2nd wind of a re lit teaching career excited for what the next 13 years are going to look like!!!!

Heading home through the country roads with the Grateful Dead blasting at MAX volume…I am screaming at the top of my lungs thanking my Blessed Lord for bringing me to Montgomery County United Marching Band as co-director. I am professionally 100% recharged. After 22 hours of everything that could possibly go wrong do so, have a soul crushing group of “experts” tell me 4 other bands who we (me and the guard director) saw with our own eyes choke  do better than us according to them, have  a vehicle break down….and…

STOP IT!!!!

(long inhale)

So, to answer your question on why  I would do this Marching Band competition thing again? Because it is fun and I continue to have a blast!

As I turn into my neighborhood, ……the sun is rising. Thanks be to God.

Bye now, and God Love you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Manchester Terrorist Attack

PEACE BE TO YOU!

There is so much going on prior to Summer Break that it is fun to keep up with it.

  1. My Sons are preparing for life—-My wife and I could not be prouder of these men we raised.
  2. We (her and I) are starting to be a couple again. We talk about going to the local pub to watch Cubs games and get a bit to eat.
  3. My career continues to call me even though I want to ignore it. I want to hurry up and retire but my expectations of myself dictate that I continue and my past has presented opportunities that were unforeseen one month ago. Judging Band Contests have been fun and quite frankly, profitable.

So where am I right now. First. I am happy. I am rested. I am relaxed. I see light at the end of the tunnel ….but I also see another tunnel approaching. The tracks are not ending but they are going into a different direction and I am curious to see where it leads. I am sure you all have heard the expression if you come to a y in the road ….take it. I never truly understood that until I came into that Y. …..I get it now. I am taking it and shook hands over it. ….Thanks Mr. Dinkins.

All through it all was my other self, She who I can not live without nor love enough. Why do so many discount the utter importance of the heart of a woman. Boys just don’t get it nowadays. No wonder relationships are so complicated. My prayer is men see the axiom behind every man is a great woman. For life is so much easier when your best friend is not only your lover but your deepest and personal spiritual companion, co-conspirator in EVERYTHING and A-1 best drinking buddy

The fact is, you can never really count on things you have no control over; You just can’t.  But don’t we waste tons of time worrying about them?…What a futile and lurid way to burn up time….If you must burn something, build a fire pit and get it away from EVERY wifi signal….You will be glad you did.

HOWEVER……

I feel like I need to call your attention to the terrorist attack that happened in Manchester, England. Are you aware this “Lion for allah” targeted children at this concert. Ariana Grande’s clientele are young girls within the ages of 6-20 which comprise most of her audience.  I can not help but call for utter destruction of ISIS and all its cancerous associates in every and all its forms. Your false religion that kills children and holds up those that KILL CHILDREN, Kills Christians, Jews and those who disagree with them, Homosexuals, the mentally challenged, the physically challenge , are evil.  YOU ARE EVIL LOSERS. You follow a wicked ideology. This Wicked Ideology must be obliterated.

I am sure the aforementioned paragraph will be used against me for some sort of “hate speech” and used to deter the aims of my personal/professional/spiritual life. Why would I do put my reputation/self out there like that? What is so deeply rooted in my stance against extreme radical islamic terrorists….

Read the beginning of this post again and you will know. Start with “Peace be to you”

Indiana: Such a Beautiful State

Peace be to you!

One of the things I enjoy doing is exploring. Exploring caves, trails, side roads, dirt roads, museums, art exhibits…you name it, if I have not been there, I would like to go there. Well, my job has afforded me with some time in the late morning and mid afternoon and now that I am on spring break, I am having a little bit more explore time.

I recently had to visit a friend of mine in Crawfordsville, In. This town is what an optimistic person who looks for the MAYBERRY USA type of town that is romanced about in Turner Movie Classics or Chicago’s ME-TV.

It is a hamlet of mom and pop shops with very few corporate stores. There is no Starbucks nor Chik-fil-A. There are NO bars with the name of HOOTERS or TILTED KILT.. There is no tofu ANYTHING. THere is a however, a store that gives free popcorn to all who come in. There is a Tea Party Headquarters, There is a butcher block, there are stores like ALLEN’s COUNTRY KITCHEN….Which by the way, when I asked locals where is a good place to eat they ALL suggested this place. They were correct, they have a lunch special every day for $ 6.95 and it is awesome. There were many locals in there and most were over the age of 70. Other places with unfamiliar names like Johnny’s Provolone Pizza, The Barefoot Burger, Tacos El Jarocho, Blondie’s Diner, Blondie’s BBQ and others only tantalize and seductively tease you to come and visit and try out their wares.

Not only are the mom and pops, but there are 2 state camp grounds/parks that are close by. Shades State Park is rustic and rugged but it has some of the most beautiful, out of the way places, this state has to offer. Turkey Run State Park is not as rugged as it has a nice lodge that is rustic in its own way but still could be considered “glamping”.

The ride out to Montgomery County is just as gorgeous. There is something to be said that passing through smaller towns that are quite literally missed in a blinking eye demand that when I am coming home, I should stop for an RC cola.  I went through this one named Ladoga and was caught immediately by its….”difference”. This is a sad one as I wish I could write about all the great but this is an out of the way place that once was a thriving area. Most of the houses are just off the main drag and are overgrown. There is a bank (that was closed) a post office (that had been closed for a long time) and one “grocery” store that sold milk for almost 4 dollars a gallon. I asked why such a high price and was told, no one buys from us….and we still have to make payroll. The family had been there since 1956 (?) and were not going to move….

For me, this was the exploration of seeing the REAL. Seeing so many “snowflakes” and SJW openly complain about “hate speech, etc,”on the internet and I can not help but think that if these kids could just jump in a car and go for a ride in the country their perspective would change in so many ways.  There is beauty but there is also real despair.

And I only went to go help out another band director who is struggling. See you at Allen’s Country Kitchen for a cup of coffee.

Oh….and by the way, did you know a cup of coffee only costs 35 cents in Montgomery County Indiana?

Owwwwwwww

Peace be to you.

STUPID CAVITIES. My teeth were NOT killing until after I went to the dentist to have 2 cavities filled. Both were on the bottom but one on each side. I am in pain and have been since I left the dentist chair. In the mean time, I had to do some teaching and was not my best. Goals were not reached and the music we are working on actually took a step BACK. I hate when that happens and now I feel like I am behind.

But the pain in my mouth is so intense that i asked my wife and the dentist for some pain meds. My own experience with aspirin makes my stomach upset and now, the pain is on a scale of 1-10 was a 7. After some meds an hour ago, its more like a 6.99. I am writing this post in the hopes that it takes my mind off of the pain but it is not working. Kids, brush your teeth. floss. but cavities suck…….

Now, if you don’t mind, I am going to go cry in a pillow somewhere and hope it does not keep me up at night. Does the Church have a patron saint for damaged teeth or pain management? If you know, let me know

Bye now, and please pray for me.

Middle child turning 21…..OH no, I am getting old!

Peace be to you!

HOLY COW, My middle child will turn 21 on Ash Wednesday. What am I going to do? I know, Grow Older and wiser

Not too many of you know this but my middle child and I once had a really tight relationship….and then, he turned 15 and I was not the cool dad anymore. I turned into the parent that did not care….did not give a care….did not understand him….did not…….well, you know how it goes.

I love my child. But I did lose him. From 16-19 he was as distant as a child can be to his father. And I was lost as well. I tried to reach him but his lashing out at me caused me to hide like a turtle retreating to his shell. Finding him like he was when he was 7 was like trying to look for hens teeth: (anything very rare or impossible to obtain is said to be like finding hen’s teeth). I really thought I lost him and for those 3 years I was convinced he would not want to be in my family again.

He quit going to church, he broke up with his girlfriend and broke it off with those who loved him (esp my mother, his grandmother)

Before my mom died, She told me something about Child #2 that kind of disturbed me but I have come to understand she was right: He will break your heart AND crush your soul and it will take a long time to repair. You (that would be me) must NEVER give up on him. Remember your stumbling and trip ups as they will be your map to get him back in your arms. We (your father and me) did that with you. Now, you are precious with me and have been for the last 30 years….He will come back but it will not be right away. He needs to find his way BACK to you and his mother…..but it will feel like an eternity…never stop praying for him and all your children; sure enough, he became my prodigal son. He had NOTHING to do with me. He got messed up with so many vices that I am thankful he is alive. But I missed him so deeply. So many nights I tried to figure him out and where I went wrong as a father. I felt like I was a failure. A failure that I did not get into his life as I went too far to give him his space. Space that I thought he wanted but in retrospect, it must have felt that I abandoned him. I am sure he did not feel like he was worthy or I loved his brothers more or he let me down. Man, was it hard.

But I bring this blog to its present day. The Separation did not work out. We had a deeply emotional and fiercely passionate come to Jesus Meeting one night on the porch. I can not recall if I ever cried in front of any of my children but I did that night….I told him what was happening to him and what I know WOULD happen to him if he continued his current path.

today, Ash Wednesday he turns 21. And   my perspective is that he has all the freedom you can possibly want. And that freedom now came with a price. The price of not having your mom or your dad or your family right where you need them when you really need them.   I am proud to see him becoming the man that he is but I also know he has a very long long journey ahead of him as do all of my children. And as he thinks he has the independence and thinks he has things figured out being 21 years old he kind a has the thought of invincibility meaning he may think he is 10 feet tall bulletproof and completely self-sufficient..

I Find it ironic that I get a text at 1:24 AM this morning letting me know that he has a blown tire. At first I thought he was summoning me to rescue him but after about nine hours, he has solved this problem with out me

I think he has particular adult problem solved on his own.

B

ROSES AND CANDY WORK on VALENTINES DAY!!!!

Peace be to you!

If you are like me and have for years bought into the line that “oh, you don’t need to buy me anything special on Valentine’s Day” then this post is especially for you. It seems like the MOST DIRECT communication you have had in years and you believe it. My advise it to you is QUIT LISTENING TO IT. She wants the roses and candy on Valentines Day. So NOT buying her anything is like her “saying” NO when she really means HECK YES!!!

Let me explain.

Yesterday, was Valentines Day and at 2 of my 3 jobs, Women came in and BRAGGED they got roses, flowers, a giant teddy bear, candy, chocolates, affection….and those who did not laughed it off like “just another made up Hallmark holiday” but as a 51-year-old man who NOW notices the little things that women do that are non-flirtatious, those who didn’t get anything were a bit crushed and even one young married teacher was plunged deep in her well that screamed: “I am no longer young and pretty to be even noticed”. I came back with “have you ever said oh, you don’t need to buy me anything” line?

“Well, yes but,  if he really loved me then he should know that…..

I stopped her RIGHT THERE and said….Well, Some Man listened to you and isn’t that what you want??

SILENCE

I am going to go out and call out those who Limbaugh calls the Feminazis and place this blame directly at your  Birkenstocks  sock wearing feet. You have done more to screw up the relationship of a Man and a Woman than any other political or social construct. Gender Specific is reality and the 2 sexes are co-equal, meaning….They are co-equal. Each has a weakness that the other has strength to balance out. No one can deny the equal pay thing and the equal opportunity thing but NOT at the expense of men acting like Gentlemen….(Let’s distinguish between the boorish and the ideal definition of a man…do on your own)

I got to give Mr. Trump props. This is what an ALPHA Male does. He protects in spite of overwhelming criticism and attacks. He does not seek affirmation from anyone except his woman. You know ladies, that part in the bible that says submit to your husbands, Let me translate that in 21st Century speak: ladies, you have to lower your communication ability so we can understand you. We are hard-wired to hear direct communication. Do you know some men do not even recognize when you twirl your hair and look at our lips when you talk to us?…YES, we don’t get your non verbal clues.

When a man sees a woman RUN over to hug her man who is NOT him, he will ask….what did I miss? Why can’t my woman hug me like that? I DO EVERYTHING SHE ASKS…..And yes, you are correct, you listen to her and instead of treating her like a woman, we treat her like an equal….equal to us….like another “man” and THAT means: NOT LISTENING. By listening to the “oh, you don’t need to buy me anything” what we are hearing is “treat me like one of the guys” because that is how you would treat your main man, your wingman, you “guy”, your homie, your @#*$&^@ partner in crime. AND THAT IS NOT What she is saying …but then again, she does not speak nor understands how a man thinks about honor. She understands the sex thing. ALL men make that obvious and it is not the subject of this post.

So if you sent us your non verbal cues as to wanting something we did not get the memo. If you tried to send us subtle hints…..it did not register….if you told us”oh, you don’t need to buy me anything”. We heard you loud and clear…..how is that for communication? That is not what you wanted…you wanted Roses and Candy.  But we heard, lazy couch time because that is what we (BURP) like…..

Give us a reason (from another man perspective) to hang out and we will belch, fart, cuss, laugh and most of all….stay silent for long periods of time. We as men and especially YOUNG men  NOW just want to hang out with people. YOUNG MEN do not even date anymore. Why do young men no longer want to date women? Another post.

When we hear the “oh, you don’t need to buy me anything” we hear….”oh, I don’t need to buy YOU anything”…..OK, Message received. So if you did not get what you wanted and think we should just get it because we love you, we won’t–because you said “oh, you don’t need to buy me anything”. And we are doing EXACTLY what you want BECAUSE we love you……See how that works?? OK you don’t. But ALL men do. So if the day comes and goes and nothing happened to you, not one shred of romance happened, did you say “oh, you don’t need to buy me anything” are you happy today? because your man is happy now that he has an extra 80 dollars in his pocket….enough for a new X-Box Game and he loves you.

I know I can tell you that there were a lot of happy women at my school/work today. Story after Story did I hear about roses, flowers, a giant teddy bear, candy, chocolates, affection and one lady spoke about how the flowers she received filled the room with its scent. Still one other told me she has not gotten flowers since she was 13. (She’s 35+ now). I have never seen “JJ” so happy. The smile across her face spoke of scare tissue around her heart at least melting away from the actions of her man.

So to wrap this up: Women—say what you want directly. Men, Shut up, don’t try and solve her problems, she does not need to be rescued she needs to be heard. That is why God gave us 2 ears and one mouth; LISTEN and UNDERSTAND HER…..and buy her more flowers

And speaking of men, I can also tell that there are a lot of less stressed men in my field of vision today. HOW? you ask?

because of their non-verbal looks, their sly smiles and a spring in their step.

BYE NOW, and God Love you!